??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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