I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
there is glitter all over my balls
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
