how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
