Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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