my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
