my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
there was a trapeze. enough said
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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