Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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