so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
