you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
