I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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