i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
