Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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