he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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