I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
