I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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