Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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