seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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