just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
