I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
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