people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
