respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
