hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
