you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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