i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
