Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
