Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
