So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
