I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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