did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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