you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
