i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize