Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
