It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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