ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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