i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
