Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
