so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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