Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
