You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
