I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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