OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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