his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
