umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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