Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
