Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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