Welp...herpes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
