i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
