He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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