is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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