i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
