Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
