Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
