I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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