You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize