dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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