I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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