Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize