At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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