how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
