So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
