so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
