Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
