hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
