glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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