I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize