am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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